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This is a resource of ideas for guys concerned about a condition, or perceived condition, commonly referred to as "masturbation death grip", "death grip syndrome", or just in slang as "death grip". These pages do not address other uses of "death grip", such as pilot death grip.
The Fleshlight method for bucking the death grip
If you've read the standard suggestions for reversing "death grip", you know that resisting the urge to apply too much pressure and trying to stimulate in a manner that is closer to that which is felt during actual sex are the two key components to the strategy. The Fleshlight essentially takes care of those two aspects for you, preventing you from gripping with your hand at all, and providing sensations that are far more similar to the gentle, sensual sensations of a vagina than you could ever approximate using your hands.
A Fleshlight is a very popular sex toy for males that provides stimulation that feels much more like intercourse compared to using your hand. This allows you to work on becoming accustomed to that type of stimulation exclusively instead of "jerking off", which feels nothing like intercourse. With a Fleshlight, you can practice as often as you need to and without pressure. Plus, the case prevents you from applying additional pressure with your hand, which is part of what has contributed to the "death grip" issue in the first place. All of this makes the Fleshlight a potentially valuable tool for guys trying to get over their death grip masturbation reliance and who want to become more sensitive to real sex.
The retraining plan using the Fleshlight
Here is a variation of the regular plan, but modified for use with a Fleshlight.
Week 1: Take a break from stimulation for 1 week. Cease and desist.
If you haven't already, this is the time to order your Fleshlight so you'll have it ready for week 2. Keep your hands (and anyone else's) off your penis for one entire week. No sex. No masturbation. When you get erections, just endure them and appreciate them for what they are. Allow the tension and desire to build, and appreciate the pleasure of the erections themselves. Towards the end of the week, you should be going mad with desire to do something about it. When your Fleshlight arrives, go ahead and inspect it, touch it, and let your anticipation build.
Also, during this focus on renewal, you might want to examine aspects of your lifestyle that contribute or detract from your overall wellness and sexual health. Believe it or not, a healthy diet, moderate exercise, adequate sleep, and good stress management can all help to improve your sex life.
Week 2: You get to masturbate once this week, but only with the Fleshlight.
Some say the Fleshlight can take some getting used to, but here are some tips to make sure your first time goes as smooth as possible. First, make sure to block off an hour when you can relax and not be disturbed for this special session. Make sure you have energy, are well rested, and not stressed. This should be fun and enjoyable. To make the Fleshlight feel more realistic, you can warm the sleeve up per the manufacturer's instructions. Fill a sink up with hot water and let it sit for about 10 minutes. Dry it off and put it back in the case. Apply three or four drops of lubricant to the opening of the Fleshlight, then spread it inside by pushing two fingers inside and swirling around. Notice how the inside feels. Then, apply a couple of drops to your hand and coat your erect penis.
Insert your penis and the rest will come naturally. Try to take your time and concentrate on the sensations you are feeling through your penis.
Once you're done with this, you must make yourself wait out the rest of the week.
Week 3: You get to masturbate twice this week, and the second time will be hands-free
Just like week two, you need to dedicate a time for these sessions. For the first session, do a repeat of the session in Week 2. For the second session of the week, however, you're going to be going at it hands-free, thrusting into it like you would do if you were on top during sex. Warm and lube the Fleshlight the same way you did the previous times, but now you're going to need to find a way to thrust into it. You can do this by standing up and holding it down on a desk while you thrust (though this isn't technically hands free). You can also get on your knees and stuff it between your mattress and box springs or cushions of your couch. Or, believe it or not, some guys like to insert it into a shoe, set it on a bed, and go at it from above. You can be creative, but what you want to do is work the thrusting action into your routine. Not only is this a little bit more realistic, it helps keep your brain focused on pursuing pleasure because your entire body is involved.
Week 4: Masturbate as often as you like, but only use the Fleshlight
You can thrust into it or slide it up and down, whichever you prefer, but just make sure that you only use the Fleshlight and only masturbate when you have time to enjoy it.
After Week 4
You should be enjoying masturbation a little more now. From here on out, you can alternate between using the Fleshlight and whatever method you want, but try to use the Fleshlight as often as possible, and try to alternate with other more gentle methods. Remember that the principles are:
- Make sure you dedicate time for enjoying masturbation.
- Pick a time when you are well rested, not stressed, and not distracted by other things.
- Choose methods of masturbation that are more similar to sex: use lubrication, be gentle, seek softness, use a looser grip, use the Fleshlight
If you are still having difficulties, try another month cycle using the plan above. If you are still feeling numb, it may be time to see a doctor.
"Death Grip Syndrome" is not a recognized medical condition and the ideas presented here are not meant to be and do not constitute medical advice. It is only based on personal experience and ancedote. Results may vary. Problems enjoying sexual pleasure may have many causes, including but not limited to other health conditions, antidepressant medications, stress, and lifestyle factors. Even slightly elevated blood pressure can have substantial effects on your sexual performance and health. Seek medical help from your doctor.
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A Fleshlight can help with "death grip" in two ways. First, the case prevents you from squeezing too hard. Second, it feels more like intercourse than your hand and therefore helps you become accustomed to that type of stimulation exclusively instead of being dependent on your hand. Learn more about the Fleshlight.